My brother and I were recently reminiscing about the good old days of life in hard time Mississippi.

Especially about the-uhm how shall I say it?

The good old fashion ass whippings!!!!

Say What?

I remember it like it was yesterday.

I was learning my timetables.

Every time I would miss a multiplication, my fourth grade math teacher Ms. H—–would toast my behind with her paddle!

Wait a minute, how old am I you ask?

41 years young and fabulous!

But, that is beside the point.

Circa 1980 in the ‘ Sip, little Black children for all intents and purposes belonged to the community.

While I may have not turned out to be a math genius, I guarantee you I know my timetables all the way to the 12’s!!!

Picture it:

There I am in the 5th or 6th grade at Ella Darling elementary playing the class clown as usual (don’t worry Steve, Cedric, Adele, Monique-y’all still the Original Kings and Queens) and dude was like shut up!

Next thing I know it was a three day suspension and ain’t no stepping back without Madea!

You heard…

If Grandmamma have to miss all her Young and Restless, you can best believe old girl-me-had a natural born ass whipping coming down the pipes!!


High school. I’m a big girl now-I ain’t taking it no more.

See, I never could pass up an opportunity to make you laugh.

I guess it had to do with being the only one left at home that year at 4.5 years and everybody else was going to school every day in the winter, spring, and fall.

Well your boy Coach——–, had a paddle that he called Dr. Death.

One day Dr. Death came up missing.

Coach had to put out an APB on his boy!!!

Lo and behold that kidnapping was never solved!!!

No problem.

Old boy went and got a new one-Dr. Death, Jr!!!

For real.

By now Coach was the Assistant principal.

The almost HNIC (Head Nigger in Charge!!!)

Yep, yep.

See Coach was a real N*&^%! from the mean streets-as mean as it gets in the ‘Sip I guess.

For the boys it was Whomp Whomp on that ass!!!

For the girls it was Smack Smack on an open hand.

Believe me readers, this is a truth stranger than fiction!!!

Then somehow it all fell apart…

Somewhere somebody said you guys in the Magnolia state-the land of the legendary Dixiecrats-need to get with the program.

So… it went.

“Dear teachers of this great state-take heed.”

“From this point on, you will not be allowed to whip, smack, or plain beat the living shit out of the young people whom you are entrusted to educate and make responsible citizens who will go forward in the world to do good!!!”

After that, I came, saw, and shut the fuck up in order to keep the peace.

Eventually I got a piece of paper that said I wasn’t totally a fool.

Then I joined the U.S. Navy!!!

And that’s that.

Until Next Time…